Wednesday, January 12, 2011

One Bright Sunny Day

So there I am, cutting an air dried beech plank on my bandsaw to get some stretcher material, when I hear that horrid sound of metal on metal. After some wrestling, I get the piece off of the saw and split it open to find a fully embedded framing nail! It's painful enough that I'll have to change the blade, but this was a brand new Woodslicer that I hadn't even wrecked making spoons yet.



 Now, the Buddhist in me says that all things are connected, both the blade and the nail came from the soil and out of the soil grew the wood which I'll use to make the money that I'll have to spend on a new blade, and.....honestly, it didn't help.

Upon further inspection of the rest of my beech planks, I found a host of nails spaced at about the distance that you'd place them to fashion a ladder, perhaps to a treefort. And I started thinking of some sunny day back in the mid seventies, when it was perfectly likely that I was somewhere in the woods pounding nails in some poor tree.

Then I imagined what I'd say to young me, after all, this might the pivotal moment that he realizes that he wants to spend his life butchering wood.
"Hey kid" I'd say "next Christmas, you might consider just asking for $5, rather than the Stretch Armstrong doll, that you're just going to dissect anyway. By the way, the stuff inside looks like jelly, but trust me, it isn't.
Then, take the five dollars and bet it on the Americans to win gold in Hockey at the 1980 Olympics, I know, I know, no one can beat the Russians, but just do it, geesh, I have no idea how my mother put up with you. 

Then, put the winnings in a savings bond, cash it in 2010 and buy a top of the line metal detector, you numbskull. Oh, and one more thing, in 1993, when the girl in the tight sweater beats you at pool, take a deep breath and accept the defeat with grace, you'll hear this story for the rest of your life...if you're lucky."

11 comments:

CHGG said...

lucky that girl let you win after that...

. said...

ah bummer! i have never had the misfortune of going through a nail, but have hit copper and lead bullets. Those materials are considerably soft, so instead of 'oh sh!t' it was 'cool a bullet!'

-tyler

Peter Galbert said...

Tyler,
when I hit it, i thought it might be a bullet because it was so perfectly buried and concealed, but alas, it was one expensive nail!

matthew said...

I'm just glad to know that I'm not the only one killing saw blades on spoon wood.

Peter Galbert said...

While my powertool abuse is well documented, I am especially brutal on the bandsaw. I often lay awake trying to process the shame...

Andrew said...

hey this is your brother and that was my stretch armstrong!

Greg said...

Spikes, nails hinges, and horseshoes, I've hit it all with my wood mizer saw mill but can you believe the blades are cheaper than those "Woodslicers" I feel your pain. BTW, today just dug out a 22 bullet with my 15" planer blades$$

Peter Galbert said...

Andrew,
you might have warned me about the filling not being jelly!

Greg,
I suppose the only way that I'd be more upset is if I found the nail with my favorite drawknife.

Patrick said...

Love the image of a wild-eyed bearded man accosting a child in the woods raving about Stretch Armstrong and Russian Ice Hockey. I'm sure your younger self would have found the encounter both informative and haunting!

greg said...

Tree forts! I used "foraged" rail road spikes for a ladder up to mine! Consider yourself lucky.

I seriously dinged one of my favorite draw knives shaping out a spoon from lilac wood I harvested out after an ice storm some years past. Guess who used the lilac to hold up a target a few years before that? What goes around comes around.

Peter Galbert said...

Patrick,
believe me, I'd have plenty to say to that punk!

Greg,
Karma, she is a boomerang! But I do feel your pain.